un: eden — ota

[retributes]

Asking for a friend: say you were killed for the wrong reasons, what would you do? What would be your way of coping?

Comments

[moderndayassassin]

[He pauses and thinks.]

A few, but I haven't named you really. I told Nida that I was unavailable, he was flirting just for fun though. I pointed you out to my new friend Vasquez, but he doesn't know either of us well. I can't exactly ask for dating advice when 'it's complicated' is not even close to a good summary.

[ Desmond feels that sadness again.]

I'd invite you to move in so neither of us are alone, but not entirely sure that's a good idea when we're barely talking. You could see if other people want a roommate? I think a lot of people are solo in their houses.

[retributes]

Maybe it’s good that it’s complicated. And, hey, you shouldn’t let your feelings for me hold you back from having some fun. [ She was gently teasing him. Unless what they had was an unspoken thing, Lucy wasn’t really sure. That was mostly on her end, the uncertainty. ]

We’re barely talking because I figured you wanted space, Desmond. That was the impression I got the last time we spoke.

[moderndayassassin]

I don't want to have sex with anyone else. Although lord knows it would be simpler if I did. [Softer.] I only want you.

[He sighs.] I really have no idea what I need right now. A shrink, if we could ever get one. [Eyeroll.] I'm glad you're talking this shit out with people, but I can't do that, because saying I got killed is more sympathetic than I killed someone and then I died.

[retributes]

Oh. Good. That’s... good. [ She smiled to herself. ] We want the same thing.

Then me moving in might not be a good idea. Yet. But you know... this whole talking shit out thing actually isn’t going as well as you think. I’m not going too much into detail. Plus the majority are pointing to the revenge route. It’s also a little difficult to try and explain Juno.

[moderndayassassin]

[Desmond's quiet a bit.] You can tell them the whole story, if it helps you talk out what happened better. It's not like you have to spare me on this one, what happened happened.

[He isn't sure how or why he'd try to defend himself.] It wasn't ... I don't know. I don't want you to think that I'm blaming Juno and I'm absolving myself, because I'm not. [There's a lot of emotion in his voice, he's trying to swallow past it.] She showed me that you were a Templar and a danger to the world so I'd stop struggling, and I was really fucking fighting, but I couldn't fight her hard enough. She could've made me kill all three of you. It doesn't excuse that I gave up and let it happen. I think she wanted me to be hopeless and broken, and it worked. I don't think ...

[He takes a moment's breath.] Even if you told me the truth about the Templars, if you trusted me, I don't think I could have stopped her. I wanted to believe that it would've changed things, we'd be too powerful a team and fight her off, but it's just not the truth. You were in her way and I wasn't strong enough. And I'm sorry, because it means the only way for you to have survived this shit was to never have met me, and that's something I can't fix.

[retributes]

No I... I just don’t think I’m completely ready to talk about it. With anyone. I can talk to you about it but... We tend to avoid it, which I get. I understand not wanting to discuss what happened. Or feeling ready to face it.

Desmond... [ She can practically hear the cracks from her house, not in his voice but the mental cracks. Lucy wants to go to him; she can only assume that he’s alone right now, it’s not good. He shouldn’t be alone through this. Everything is that screwed up. ] Desmond, stop.

No matter what way you try to look at it, meeting you was inevitable. I’d made my bed in picking to side with the Templars and in the end I was made to lay in it. I was bound to be in someone’s way. It didn’t matter if it were the Assassin’s or the Templar’s or Minerva or Juno’s. We were all in their way, just a means to an end. A crutch. A stepping stone.

I know you blame yourself for what happened. But you need to know that I... I don’t blame you. I don’t hold you at fault. I knew what I was getting myself into. I paid the consequences.

[ How she’d managed to say all of that with just a small waver to her words was beyond her. All she knew was that one of them needed to be the strong one and hold them together. ]

[moderndayassassin]

You can't mean that. [Of course he blames himself, of course he hates himself.] You didn't die because you're a Templar, Juno didn't give a shit about the sides, only who was most likely to get her out. If you died fighting the Assassins as a Templar, yeah, that was the choice, but in this case, the sides really fucking didn't matter.

Even if you could forgive me for stabbing you to death, which you shouldn't. [That's what he did.] It doesn't change that she did it because of what you meant to me.

[retributes]

The sides always mattered, Desmond. Always. Minerva and Juno, they had their own sides as well. [ And then she frowned. ] Of course I mean it.

[ A heavy sigh came through the feed. Rustling, like she was moving around. Muffled, fabric dragging over the wrist device. The wind came next, quiet, and snow crunching as she was outside walking. ]

Listen, I shouldn’t forgive you, you’re right. But they say that the first step to healing is by forgiving. I know it’s tough for you to accept but maybe you should also forgive yourself. Accept what happened. We move on from there.

[ Lucy was walking quickly through the cold as she was headed to the inn. It helped a lot better that she was it of the house to have this conversation with him, to be moving, to be out in the cold.. ]

[retributes]

Not possible.

[retributes]

Hm?

[scathefires]

not with that quitter attitude

seriously though please tell me youre not one of those revenge is wrong types

[retributes]

All too true. And I’m not a kid.

[retributes]

Hardly a quitter attitude.

And no. I’ll get my revenge where I can get it. But this isn’t one of those situations.

[retributes]

Sex? I guess. Sex makes everything better.

[retributes]

Physically, it’s not possible. In any other way? I’m not even sure that’s possible either.

[retributes]

That’s very generous of you. I’ll let them know the next time I see them. I don’t know anyone who would turn down soup.

[retributes]

You could be caught unaware. You could find yourself possessed. Not in control.

[retributes]

Eight months? Is death here as permanent as it is back home?

[retributes]

Not everything will get better immediately, I know. I’ll take it one day at a time because that’s all I can do.

[retributes]

Favor? Oh. Wow that’s. That is hardcore.

You barely know me and yet you’ll have my back? That’s impressive. I really appreciate it. Though I don’t know if he’ll do anything else.

I know I said I don’t think I’m ready to forgive him, there’s a part of me that IS.

[retributes]

The issue is that they can confront them here.

[retributes]

Who was this wise man?

[skyward_eyes]

I don't know I can share the name. What if he runs out of wisdom for me?

private to infinity?

[bloodbathing]

Damn.

[ A dilemma, indeed. What does one do when revenge isn't an option?

It doesn't take long for him to come up with an answer: ]

Get stronger. Eliminate vulnerability. Prevent repeat.

html fail on mun's behalf...

[clouded_heart]

Well, it's really about if you mean legally, morally, ethically or whatever. What you would do. And what is the 'right' reason? What is 'wrong'?

I would probably cope, assuming I was dead at home and alive here, by ignoring it entirely and working very very hard to keep busy.