UN : The Mechanic

[nonstopnarcissist]

Right, tech wishlists, drop them here. Try to keep these things reasonable. I'm a genius but not a miracle worker.

Comments

[freightcars]

Don't ask me, I don't work here.

[nonstopnarcissist]

You're just trying to sell the product.

Okay, Salty Spice; what else is there to worry about? So I don't go stumbling around and erase my memory or some shit.

[freightcars]

Hell no, I'm not a fan.

Yeah, let's start with don't go off the beaten path
They've got creatures here
I don't know, like god damn werewolves or something, big huge bastards like a bear and a dog and a deer had some kind of love child and it wants to eat your face off
Hallucinogenic snakes.
Ivy that spaces you out so it can slowly strangle you to death
But there's a hot spring, so that's nice.

[nonstopnarcissist]

...so we're in magical space Australia. That's what I'm getting here. This is either a penal colony, a fucked up reality TV show, a science experiment gone wrong, or a colonization project from hell.

[freightcars]

Bingo
Now you're getting it

[nonstopnarcissist]

Still a better option than hell.

[freightcars]

True
It's not so bad, I guess
Nobody's actively murdering anybody and about once a month we all get hammered.

[nonstopnarcissist]

If you say there are orgies I might put in a tentative vote for a mediocre limbo.

[freightcars]

So far no
I wouldn't actively rule it out
Next week a god damn mushroom might fall out of the sky that magics all the clothes away or something, who the hell knows anymore with this place

[nonstopnarcissist]

Is there a record of all the bullshit phenomena I can read up on? Because it sounds wild, and that's without taking the time displacement into account.

[freightcars]

Not that I've got handy, but if you might want to look into Mark Watney
Seems like any time there's a list of anything he's the one doing the organizing
He also helps grow the weed, so. Two birds.

1/2

[nonstopnarcissist]

Record keeper, got it-

2/2

[nonstopnarcissist]

wait what?

[freightcars]

What

[nonstopnarcissist]

we don't have coffee but we have weed.

[freightcars]

again, I don't work here
take it up with management

[nonstopnarcissist]

I'd like to submit several complaints.

Fifty.

[freightcars]

post-it notes are aisle 2

[nonstopnarcissist]

you kid but I'd do obscene things for those little strips of adhesive right about now. Managing my projects without holograms is a bitch.

[freightcars]

I think the kids call that "first world problems"
you've been here like twenty minutes, how many projects do you have??

[nonstopnarcissist]

I visualize best in three dimensions.

Uh- about twenty three?

[freightcars]

Jesus

[ Took him a moment of conscious restraint to keep from singing nostalgically about Howard, for... obvious reasons. ]

[nonstopnarcissist]

Scratch that, twenty five, the village doesn't have a fucking fence or alarm system, what's that about?

[freightcars]

Nobody here would know how to power an alarm system, I guess.
It'd take a lot of lumber to build a fence
If that's something you're after, I've gotten pretty handy with an ax

[ Finally, all this time spent choping wood coming to fruition. This is his moment. ]

[nonstopnarcissist]

Springs and bells and tripwires, it's not that difficult, I rigged one when I was six.

[ Hiding from Jarvis, hiding from Howard. ]

I'll need a fuckton for the forge as it is.