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Video > Text | un: Miss Jackson if you're nasty

[The picture clicks on, almost entirely filled with the pale face of one Olivia Moore, brow bunched up as she taps at something on the screen.

Murmurred:] Okay, I think that's recording.

[Sitting back, she gives her head a little, resolute shake, and brushes some platinum hair from her face. She pulls in a breath, sighs it out again.]

Hi, everyone. This is Liv. I think most of you know me, but we've kind of had a run on newbies recently, so you might just know me as "that short girl with the white hair." I'm a doctor, originally from Seattle on Earth, around 2017. I've been here about six months-ish. And... none of that is really the point of this video.

So, here's the thing. I'm a zombie. [A thin, nervous laugh and slight shrug.] Obviously not the mindless, face-falling-off kind, although that does happen if I don't get enough brains to eat. [A slow nod, lips pressed together.] Yeah, some of you who work in the kitchen are probably starting to put some things together right about now. I'm sure my obsession with saving venison brains has seemed a little weird.

[Another breath.] The good news is, I can survive just fine on animal brains, which is what I've been doing. The zombie virus can't be transmitted by touch or saliva or me sneezing on you or anything like that. It's strictly blood-borne, doesn't survive outside the human body. Sex and a blood-drawing scratch are the big ways to catch it. [She lifts her hand, fingers splayed to show her nails.] I keep 'em short.

The chance of me being a threat in any way to any of you is very, very slim, but the chance is there. So I get it if you would rather I not be your doctor. Beverly is awesome and I'm sure she'll be happy to help you instead. And I'm just kind of hoping that most of you understand why I kept this a secret, and don't hold it against me too much. It's kind of an instinctive thing for me. People usually don't react well. So.

[A bite of her bottom lip, tilt of her head.] If you have questions, you can send a text to this video once I post it, public or private. I'll do my best to answer them.

Oh, and Bull, I kinda need to talk to you.

Thanks. [A finger lifts toward the screen and the picture cuts off]

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He's a ball of anxiety, don't let him fool you. But he's doing better, I think, now that he's not at risk of going Hulk on everyone if he gets upset.

Scratching is an issue- a weighted blanket from hell or capture net combo might be able to restrain you but the question is A) building one that we can test for strength without hurting you B) deployment and C) how many to keep around and where to stow them.

it would have to be really, really heavy
as in item B would, to me, be the biggest issue

but you know what COULD work? something like a safe room, fortified and locked from the outside
it's not that hard to lure zombies, it would just be a matter of doing it safely, having a plan

That I could build- but it'd mean educating everyone a la fire drill for clearing a path, having baiters, and getting you to the room without hurting you or letting you hurt anyone else.

Probably something we should set up in case of another wendigo anyway.

for the wendigo or to keep me away from the wendigo lol

I mean, it's a plan that probably should be in place regardless of the actual logistics, lbr
it doesn't necessarily have to involve everybody, just enough people to corral everybody else as needed
you guys were a team, right? you think this could be a team project?

...you want me to train the ex-avengers up on zombie and venom wrangling.

I no longer have overt beef with all of them but let's say there are still communication issues that'd have to be worked out, and then it's a question of whether or not they'll fucking listen to me at all.

look, I'm not here to try and fix the family dysfunction, I'm just saying you're a group of people used to working together on extraordinary and difficult problems such as this one

and I guess that means family Christmas at Liv's house is off, then
I thought you and Steve made up

It does fit our MO.

I've spent the past few years moving on from the mess being involve with them made of my life. It's a whole thing. I was doing Yoga, I had my fiancee, I had my mentee, stocks were up, I was getting well, staying healthy, protecting my friends and the public, inventing incredible new technology, looking to the future with hope. Living my best life. Being the better person. Dia Lupa's new rules was playing faintly in the background, I was doing that thing where you make yourself a better and more capable person as the ultimate revenge on the ex who wronged you deal.

And then a bunch of shit happened and then I woke up here.

So we're- kind of good? We're neutral. Out of the red. Dealing with him on a personal level is one thing- trusting him with my back in the field? Last time I did that I needed a new sternum. I don't anticipate it happening again but can you blame me for being a little wary?

well, I don't know his side of it because I don't really talk to him, but no, I don't blame you
clearly there's baggage there, nobody's denying the baggage
I think the baggage can be seen from space
the question is, do you have to trust him to have your back to do this one thing?
not Venom, just me
because what I do know about Steve is that Steve would do anything for Bucky, and Bucky would do anything to keep me safe

That is actually a large fucking part of the baggage right there.

[ Give him a minute. Not much of one but- a minute. ]

I'll tap them for this. Nat's good at playing bait, Steve's pretty strong and can coordinate well in the field to compensate for surprises. Thor and Bull can make up the difference, keep the path clear long enough for you to get where you need to be. I'll talk to them.

hey, I get it
I'm sure you saw his public reaction to my little announcement
it's Bucky first with that guy - I'm not Liv Moore, doctor and independent woman, I'm Bucky's gal

which isn't to say that's inherently bad, the loyalty thing
they've been through a lot together
it just kind of... pushes the rest of us to the margins

One day I will sit you down and explain just how far he'd go for Buck. Today is not going to be that day. I like Bucky, I do, he's a great guy. I know this now.

At the time? Not so much.

It's frustrating to watch someone look at something you worked so hard to build and trash it without a second thought.

look, I am not unaware that my boyfriend used to murder people in cold blood on the daily
I don't know how he was then, but I'm guessing "great guy" would be a stretch, so I'm not blaming you for that

the fact that you got over it is impressive, tbh, but good people do that
when my bff found out I was a zombie, in the worst possible way I might add, she ran away and I didn't hear from her for 6 months
and she was my best bestie
she was my roommate
she didn't even take her clothes, it was crazy
but she came around because she realized it wasn't my fault

...and I probably veered a little off the topic of Steve there, but just saying, you don't have to make excuses to me for not being buddies with the Winter Soldier

by what you worked to build, you mean the team?

There's this whole 'brainwashing' part he likes to gloss over. Zero agency. Literally had no choice in the matter. I shouldn't have to forgive him for what he did, because he didn't do it, but I did, because he needed to hear it. Me and Barnes? We're square.

Steve and I agreed on a clean slate and that's fine but- I'm not going to be less bitter.

The initiative. It was more than the team we had on hand, it was what it could grow into, what it was meant to be. I stepped back for personal reasons to retire and you know. Live a life. I trusted Steve with it because I knew it mattered to him.

Not enough, I guess, but- there was a lot going on. I hold exactly zero percent of that clusterfuck against Bucky. He didn't have any say in it.

I know that, Tony
I knew it the first time we met, when you were bleeding out all over him and cracking jokes about it
it's ok, I know you care about him, and he cares about you
it's a complicated, shitty situation, and trust me that I definitely know how he is about it
he's never not guilty or anxious, I guess he and Bruce kinda have that in common
you wouldn't believe how long it took to get him to sleep over, because he's terrified he'll have a nightmare and accidentally kill me in my sleep, and I can't make him really understand that if he tried, he'd probably be the one who ended up dead
because he refuses to see me that way, but he won't see himself any OTHER way

but anyway

so like, honestly here: how much of that love for what you built, that hope, etc was for the team as a whole, a unit, and how much of it was for Steve as a partner in it?

I thought I'd done something right. For once I'd built something that would outlast me, that'd be a better legacy than decades of weapons development. Something that could really protect people from shit they shouldn't ever have to worry about.

It's always been something I figured, that Steve would outlive me. I'm a man in a can at the end of the day. I age. Getting up from the hits gets harder every time I'm knocked down. So I stepped back and trusted him to see it through. And maybe if it weren't for everything piling in on all at once? He would've.

They were supposed to trust me that I'd do right by them. They weren't supposed to break the way they did, and he wasn't supposed to go off without talking to me and trusting me to try and fix shit.

So both, I guess.

but it's not completely broken, Tony
I don't know about Steve, I can't speak for Steve, but look around you, look at the people who look to you, who depend on you to fix... hell, everything
look at me, right now, asking for your help

maybe it's not the same, but you know, that doesn't mean it can't be worth it
you're learning - you just made a point of that, of how hard you've worked at learning to be a better person
you made a point about Bucky being allowed a second chance
and I don't know specifics here, I don't know exactly what Steve did that hurt you this badly
but I guess I'm just wondering if he should be allowed the chance to learn, too

ftr, I can't believe you have me defending the guy who just implied I'd screw my boyfriend without telling him it could make him a zombie

Steve has that effect on people.

Since we're talking about it- fuck I need more scotch for this. I have none, I need a significantly larger amount than none for this- You know the deal about Barnes and my parents and me. That mess.

Steve? Knew. For years. Didn't say a word. Denied me the chance to process it like a reasonable human being instead of learning in the worst way possible and losing my shit on someone that didn't fucking deserve it after a long week of dragging that person through a lot of levels of hell he never needed to endure in the first place because when Steve Rogers decides a thing needs to be done, by god, that thing will be done in the way he thinks it ought to be done.

It's not a terrible quality as long as it's not pointed at you. Standing on the other side of it is a fucking migraine.

We've talked about it, hashed out the hows and the whys and compared scars and what I've come away with is- I don't know him near as well as I thought I did. I thought we were friends. Apparently he thought I hated him. For years. So. That's a thing.

wait

what deal with your parents?

...I thought you knew?

Fuck it, it explains a lot, I'll just-

While brainwashed by Hydra, as the Winter Soldier, Bucky was made to murder my parents. It was staged to look like a traffic accident. Kind of a formative trauma, fucked up my view of my father for years because I blamed him for drinking and driving and killing my mother- it was a whole thing.

Instead of letting me know Steve- well. For all that he doesn't back down from a fight apparently doesn't handle this kind of conflict well.

So instead of having time to process this I get to watch a VHS quality recording of it happen in real time while Bucky is three feet to my left after a shitty, shitty fucking week of a larger clusterfuck, after coming away from the hospital where my best friend, Rhodey, was undergoing spinal surgery from a bad fall because Steve let our disagreement become a brawl instead of talking like an adult.

I didn't handle it well.

[There is a long pause — An understandable pause, Liv hopes, while she pitches forward where she's sitting on her bed and just breathes raggedly against her bent knees. Jesus Christ.]

Tony I
god I'm so sorry
I didn't know
he doesn't talk about that stuff
not like that

[ It's a mess. It's a fucking mess but- she should know. She can't help Buck if she doesn't know, can't understand how far Steve Rogers will go for him if she doesn't know. ]

He really should, you can't process shit if you keep ignoring it. King of ignoring it right here and it never got me anything but more baggage. Tell him to learn from my mistakes.

I forgave him. I shouldn't have to, he wasn't liable, he literally wasn't steering when that happened. It's not his fault. I can say that now because I've got time and distance and a chance to process it.

Then? I...reacted badly. There was a fight.

Two supersoldiers versus one man in an armored suit. Remember that new sternum I mentioned needing?

Bucky was trying not to die, Steve was- well. Trying to protect Bucky.

still freaking out a little here, give me a sec

he and I, we don't
look
I have my own shit and it's terrible
it's... really, really bad
and maybe I should be talking about it too but I don't
we've never said explicitly we're not talking about this stuff, it's just agreed
because this place has been shitty to everyone else but it's been good to us
and that's what we focus on, as much as we can

I'm sorry I didn't know, though, which is a weird thing to say about something like that
I hate that it happened
I hate it for you and I hate it for him

I will say though that I'm glad you figured out how stupid the whole mess was because I just
it's frustrating as a (mostly) normal, nonsuperhero person who cares about superhero people, to conceive of the fact that you all figured those powers and fancy gadgets meant you could hurt each other
that it was the natural reaction
and I'm not blaming you
but it's upsetting as an idea

maybe the assholes in charge of this place actually knew what they were doing, taking all of that away from you guys

...okay this is getting very warm and fuzzy feelsy here, I'm gong to start itching.

if you have a warm itch, it's definitely not MY fault

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Video > Text | un: Miss Jackson if you're nasty

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