@ the Brock Report

[imareporter]

Best welcome-to-the-village-we-may-be-stuck-here-forever gift ideas. Ready? Go.

Private to Tony Stark

...How are you feeling I uh may have a huge problem.

Comments

[imareporter]

HPWOGPWWWAGPAGGPPPPPPPPPPPPHPOOOOOOOOPUAGAHW

ESDDIEE CANT COM 2 THE PHONEE RIGHT HE I9S ASLEEP.

WE KNW. HUMANS R PUSSIES 6 MILLION DOLR MAN

[nonstopnarcissist]

...you're an alien why the fuck are you implying that femininity is insulting?

Seriously that- why that? Where did you learn that? Unlearn that right now.

[imareporter]

U HUMANSSSS HAVE NOTT ABADDONED THE GENDGERR BINARRY. U WILL. ALL SPECIESSS DO EVENTTUALY

IT IS A WORD U HUMANS US FOR WEAKKNEES. IF THSI IS NOT CORRUTP

CORRECPT.

CORRECT.

U MOOST TAKE IT UP WITH MY HOOST. EDDIE IS SMRT. HE IS GOOD AND LOVESS HUMANSS

[nonstopnarcissist]

It's a word assholes use for weakness. You don't have a gender binary so you've got zero reason to be sexist. Seriously. It makes negative sense.

Eddie seems like he's got a good head on his shoulders, even if he's a human garbage fire.

And your soul point of reference for humanity.

[imareporter]

EDDIEEEE IS NOT ON FIREEEEE.

I WULD KNOW WEEE WOULD BE SPERATED

SEPERATED.

WE WOULD BE SEPERATED I CANNOT BE AROUND FIRE IT HURTS ME!!!!!!@#$%%^&**()!!!!!

[nonstopnarcissist]

...figure of speech. Metaphor. He is not literally on fire.

I'm saying he's a hot mess.

[imareporter]

HE IS MESS

HE WOOOD

WOOOOOOOOD.

WOULD? WOLD. NOT KILL OUR ENEMIES! BITING O HEADSS IS BAD! DONT WRY THO I AM WORK ON HIM.

WOULD. LIKE TREES
WOULD.

LIKE A DICK.

...IS THAT NOT GOD EITHER.

[nonstopnarcissist]

...you've trailed off into word salad at the end there.


are you saying that


eddie needs a dicking?

[imareporter]

[You missed the part about Venom's not so subtle encouragement for his human to be a cannibal - BUT.

Accessing, Dicking.]

HE ISSS LONELLLEE!$

HE MISSESSS ANNE BUTT ALSO LUTS AFTER SEVRL FEMALES HERE.

MALES R ALSO ACCETPABLE

UNTILLL THEN I WILL HELP.


EDDIESSYAS I'M NOT SUPPOSED TTALK ABOUT PRIVAATE THINGSS LIKE SEXXXXX IN PUBICLIALLY BUT HUMANSS WHO DON OT HAVE HIVEESS WILL DIEE.

HE IS LUFCKY I FOUND HIM.

[nonstopnarcissist]

[ he'll get back to cannibalism LATER this is- what? What. ]

Anne is a very fine lady but she chose to leave and you both need to respect that. It's difficult, I know, but I believe-



Actually I don't this whole mess is a drunktext to the ex waiting to happen. Just. When he thinks of anne make him think of someone, anyone else.



wait what do you mean help. like. Talk about it or. 'help' like. Handle the issue on your own?

[imareporter]

I CANNN DO THATT. I WILLL NOT ERASSE HUR BUT I WILL CONTROL HISSS MIND.

[Alien. So helpful.]

IT ISS A BIOLOVEABLE PROCESS


STUPID FUNY SCREEN!!!!!

IT IS A BOILOGICAL BIO.LOG.ICAL.

BIOLOGICAL PROCESS.

HUMASS JUST ASSIGN EMOTIONSS TO IT. HEE WILL LEARNN 2 THINK OFF IT THE SAMEE WAY I DO.

[Or venom will learn to appreciate his partner physically and love him. could go either way.]

[nonstopnarcissist]

NOPE no hard no on that, full stop, NO MIND CONTROL. Just- when he starts thinking about her change the subject. Talk to him about someone else. do not control his mind. That-

Okay I'm going to give you Tony Stark's three rules of a relationship.

Communication, Compromise, and Consent.

Talk to your partner, compromise on difficult points like, I don't know, cannibalism. Maybe don't outside of a certain criteria back home. Here? Please do not eat people it will make everything terrible for both of you. I'm working on the brain thing for your diet. And the chocolate thing. But until further notice, no people eating in the village.

And CONSENT. No brain control. You can't take him over, that's removing his ability to consent to...anything. Which is bad and harmful.

[imareporter]

BUT IFF WE TAKE CONTROLLL WE CANCAN KEEP HIM SAFEE

...OK.

WE WANT HIM TO BE VENOMM FOREVR HESS A PERFFECT HOST.

[nonstopnarcissist]

Then...talk to him about that. He seems to care about you, talk about that.

Communication is the first rule for a reason. Honest communication.

[imareporter]

WE WILL TRY 2 FDO THIS 6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN

BUT NOW WE MSUT EAT. AND HUNT. FAREWELL CITIZENS!

[nonstopnarcissist]

Try up by the mountains, there are big ass cave wolves that are hostile and therefore safe to eat.

[imareporter]

AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

[That's what superheroes say. Like 6 million dollar man. Like Eddie.]