UN: Twilight Sparkles | @Everyone

[thegreatexperiment]

[Sam's taken to using the voice setting. Less obnoxious than text. And anyway, vampires don't show up in video. So her lovely, Midwestern voice rings out over the network.]

So, just wondering. Is anyone else in this clown rodeo as skeeved out by this "Secret Santa" missive as I am? I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm bored as fuck. I'm gonna do it. Way more entertaining than counting the cracks in my ceiling. But seriously...what the hell are the Overlords going for here?

[She will never call them "Observers."]

A shitty morale boost? What the actual?

Or is it just me? Am I the only one being bombarded with this crap?

...just wondering.

[A pause.]

And, I mean, if people are jonesing to do Etsy nonsense, my birthday is January 8. Just saying.

((ooc: This post will not reveal who Sam got. Please warn in your header if your muse is revealing who they got, in case anyone wants to be surprised.))

Comments

[skyward_eyes]

[Well now he sounds flustered.]

Uh, I'm under drinking age where I'm from.

And while I can clean and chop wood and all of that, I'm not the greatest cook if I'm not with a camp fire. You probably don't want me there.

[thegreatexperiment]

Dude, I think it's safe to say that "drinking age" went out the window here.

But seriously, there's always chopping involved.

[skyward_eyes]

Chopping I can do. I suppose I could find some way to help out. I do benefit from the food.

[thegreatexperiment]

Great. You can help me chop potatoes.

[skyward_eyes]

I don't have to peel, right?

[thegreatexperiment]

Oh, that's your make-or-break line? Peeling potatoes?

[skyward_eyes]

I had to do it on detentions before. I apparently take off too much of the underlying potato.

[thegreatexperiment]

[Sam snorts.]

No peeling for you, then.

[skyward_eyes]

I may have been a bit upset because I had a detention. Just saying.

[thegreatexperiment]

You know, I'm really looking forward to hearing more about your world.

Sounds like a trip.

[skyward_eyes]

Through time, less through space.

When I help, I can tell you about T-Rexaurs. I'll avoid showing off the scars.

[thegreatexperiment]

Oh...this is gonna be fun.

[Did she just have a pleasant conversation with someone? That's not a very Sam-like thing, is it? Must be the fucking holiday spirit or something.]

[skyward_eyes]

[Well there you go, they can have fun. Look at Nida, continuing to be morale officer whether he intends it or not. Even though he's a mess. Score.]

And when that's done, remind me to tell you about dragons.

[thegreatexperiment]

Don't tease me. You better not be fucking joking about dragons.

[She fucking loves dragons.]

[skyward_eyes]

Few different sorts. Got some fun stories.

[thegreatexperiment]

I think I officially like your world better than mine.

[skyward_eyes]

There are a lot of reasons not to, Sam. A lot. Don't be too excited.

[thegreatexperiment]

I get it.

[She sucks in air between her teeth.]

But believe me when I say that the bar is pretty damn low.

[skyward_eyes]

Yeah, I admit, I've heard some things that make my world seem kind of nice. But... Oh, right, I should check.

Do you have monsters on your moon?

[thegreatexperiment]

Not that I know of.

But we have monsters on the earth.

[skyward_eyes]

Monsters are monsters. So yeah, definitely pretty bad. I'll tell you about mine some time.

[thegreatexperiment]

I...

[Well, she kind of is a monster. But how do you say something like that with any level of tact?

How should Sam know?]

I will. Too. I mean. I can tell you...

[Oh, fuck it. Might as well be honest. Who's she trying to impress.]

I mean, I am one of them.

[skyward_eyes]

No. You’re not. People aren’t monsters. People can do monsterous things. But they aren’t monsters. Those fall from the moon or are animals mutated by magic.

You don’t qualify.

[thegreatexperiment]

Uh...Okay, so you're kinda new around here, I guess.

[She's pretty good at remembering faces.]

It's sort of common knowledge. I'm not exactly a person. Not human. "Person" is debatable.

I'm a vampire. That's...kinda why I can't do video.

[skyward_eyes]

What’s that?