sixthiterationtexts | UN: ReforgedWings

[Jason can't see it, but SEifer's made a dismissive gesture somewhere behind Nida.]

What chance?

[He asks, echoing Jason's thoughts. Finding himself in much the same boat. Despite the bravado, which he absolutely has to put on now because stranger Seifer's own self-worth was essentially nonexistent. He's a useful tool, at best, a chronic failure and unwanted historically. There is no value there. Unwanted, never to be a SeeD, a failure of a Knight. Weak, pathetic fool.

Kinda sounds like talking to himself here. This isn't a conversation he wanted to have. Much less with someone he doesn't know.]

Nida mentioned that, how'd you pull that one off?

[Was it Sorceress magic?]

[oh yeah. he didn’t give nida an in-depth explanation of that part, did he.]

Where I’m from, there’s this thing called a Lazarus Pit. It’s a fountain of youth - literally, you take a dip in it whenever you’re feeling a little old and creaky, and you come back out rewound to your best years again. It’s controlled by this guy called Ra’s al Ghul - real upstanding citizen, deals in international terrorism, usually, but he’s been around for centuries thanks to the Lazarus Pit.

[it sounds like bullshit - jason’s completely aware of that. but here he stands, alive and breathing after being beaten to a bloody pulp and blown up.]

I don’t really know why he decided to drop me in. I imagine he had designs on using me to get to my old partner - they’re old nemeses from way back before my time. But I didn’t stick around to ask after I came to underwater. I just got the hell outta there. That was six years ago.

His old partner being, of course, his foster father.

[The way those words are used doesn't speak to jealousy. Instead it's for Seifer. It's the connection.]

Hold on a second, Jason.

[Nida jabs the mute button and looks to Seifer.]

Tell him. I... I can't understand how to help you through this. The death. The being discarded by people who failed you. The being brought back, as a weapon against people who should have cared about you. He does, Seifer. And neither of you are handling it on your own. Maybe, maybe it gets easier when you aren't alone. I won't make you, because I refuse to be someone in your life that pressures you into everything. I want to be here and be supportive. But I learned with Billy that talking about it is good for you. And Jason?

[He sighs briefly and sits up. There's a vulnerable look on his face, but he's here, he's giving Seifer the chance to run.]

He saw the worst day of my life, he listened to all I went through in the days after. Billy offered me sympathy, pity, reassurance that I'm not a monster. But Jason? He called my shit. He sees through it, how much I was trying so hard to distance myself from my pain. And he grounded me back into it. He made it so that when I came home I wasn't SeeD Nomura, but I was Nida. Billy helped, yeah, but I think... I think if I hadn't had him there when it happened, I would have had a lot worse than a twisted ankle after I got them safely home.

So, stay or don't. But if you stay, maybe think about talking to him a little. You don't have to explain it all. But maybe tell him this much. If not your story, just give him the fact that maybe he's not alone in trying to find himself after death.

[One last serious look before he turns the mute off.]

Okay, so you know Jason? I've added a new asshole to my punch list. The guy who blew you up, this Ra's al Ghul, and your 'partner'.

[Then he looks at Seifer. You going to talk or not? He holds his device out, closer to Seifer. Quiet invitation.]

[His frown is only growing more severe with each moment. The parallels are undeniable. Sure the details are insanely different, but there are things there he can certainly relate to. Foster parents fucking you over and using you? Check. Dead? Check. Brought back against your will, either probably or definitely to continue being a tool for someone else? Double check.

He'd been about to comment when Nida interrupted, turning to lay out some seriously heavy shit that has Seifer having a hard time looking him in the eye. A mixture of guilt and defiance on his face. He hates being told he's not handling things well, sure he knows it's true but it doesn't mean he likes his failings pointed out to him.

Weakness is unacceptable.

A long, frustrated breath through his nose as he finally does look at Nida. It's clear he means this, that it's important to him. Seifer doesn't get how talking is supposed to improve anything, but it's not like his usual methods are doing much good either. Maybe, for Nida's sake, he can give it a shot. What's the worst that can happen?

Giving someone ammo. Showing weakness. Damage to his pride. Yeah there are a lot of bad things that could happen here.]

If he helped you out... [He begins reluctantly, watching Nida closely. Maybe he can try. It's risky, and he really hopes Nida understands just how much it pains him to even consider going this far. Still, he's grateful the others were there to help pull Nida out of it. He himself wasn't doing a great job.

Grumbling to himself over his internal struggle he moved to sit up, leaning over to scowl at the watch like it personally offended him. Fine. Alright. He'll say something.]

Fine, but.... fuck. [Deep breath.] Yeah, they all sound like pieces of shit. [Have to get the agreements out of the way while he stalls.]

Nida's decided I should talk to you about this so I guess we're having some fuckin' show and tell time. I bled to death when I couldn't hold my guts in anymore from a sword wound given to me by my long-time rival and kind of brother. Fighting to protect the woman who was the closest thing to a mother I had. No one noticed. Or cared. Whatever.

[Bitter? No way he's not bitter.]

Anyway, my then complicated ex-but-not-really, because we hadn't really broken up she just jumped ship, got hijacked and was forced to pump enough magic in me to force me back alive. I think the coming back part hurt worse than the dyin'.

[He pinches the bridge of his nose because none of that made much sense and he spit it all out so fast he's not even sure he understand what he just said. Hyne.]

Anyway. What I'm sayin' is maybe I get some of what you're talkin' about.

[Can he go be in a depression cocoon now?]

Mm, a word of caution about good ol' Ra's - he runs a group called the League of Assassins. It's pretty much what it sounds like. And there's a lot of 'em, so I wouldn't really advise trying to take 'em all on by yourself.

[just sayin'. nida may be an assassin too, and a capable one at that, but the league's nothing to disregard.]

Well, I think we both know Nida's a real pushy jackass sometimes. [he says that like nida's not there listening, but it's said with a note of fondness, at least, so nida and seifer both should be able to pick up that jason doesn't mean anything derogatory with his choice of words.

what seifer reveals hits jason pretty hard - the last time he heard a history that felt like taking a crowbar to the ribs was back in wonderland, the other jason todd who'd been beaten and tortured by the joker for years but never died, the one who became the arkham knight instead of the red hood. jason sees the similarities - the death, the involuntary resurrection, the strong desire to protect a mother figure, the rivalry with a brother type. it isn't likely that bleeding out was a quick, painless death; sure, the joker beating him bloody hurt, but jason still had the hope of surviving, finding a way to free himself, until he saw the bomb timer ticking down and knew he was dead. he only had that understanding for seconds, and then it was over.]

Yeah, I have to say I agree with you about coming back being worse than dying. I almost choked right back to death when I came to underwater 'cause I couldn't stop screaming. I don't remember how long it took me to stop screaming, actually.

[so yeah ... jason understands.]

You get nightmares pretty much all the time, too? Hallucinations, seeing what happened that day over and over?

[he hasn't told anyone about the hallucinations, not even steph. nightmares, sure, but seeing things that aren't there is the kind of thing that brands you as crazy, and jason has a hard enough time fighting that perception.]

He sure can be, guy doesn't know when to quit.

[He echoes the sarcastic yet fond sentiment in his own tone. What's a brother if you don't pick on him a little? Obviously that's how you bond.

Oh, it had not been a fast death. Bleeding out sucks badly enough, bleeding out from a gut wound? Excruciating. But he wasn't really in the mood to go into any more explicit detail on that subject. What little he could remember of the specifics was bad enough. Best not to scratch that scar too much.]

I didn't really have the option for screaming.

[He'd been too far under her sway, then, a puppet on her strings. Go, follow orders, do as she said. And someday he might dream again. But yeah, sounded like they both got it. Talk about the worst show and tell to get involved in.

A snort at the question, as if it were daft that Jason even felt the need to ask it.]

There's a reason I thought I escaped a mental hospital when I first woke up here. Still not always convinced that ain't the case.

[He could just be hallucinating all of this. But yes, the nightmares, and hallucinations for more reasons than just the death. The scars left on his mind from his time as the Sorceress' Knight run deep. Didn't really want to confess that with Nida there, but what can you do? Too late now.]

[jason listens, exhales a sharp breath through his teeth. being forced to regularly question your reality is exhausting and terrible, but he feels an even stronger sense of camaraderie with seifer, knowing he too experiences this.]

Well, as shitty as it probably sounds, I’m glad to know it’s not just me dealing with that crap.

[it makes him feel a lot less alone.]

Is that where you were before you got yanked here? A mental hospital?

[Yeah, it sucks, that's for sure. Seifer's just made daily routines to try to remind himself that, as far as he knows, this is currently reality and he's not insane. It just takes a while to ground himself every day totally fine.]

Heh, yeah... fucked up but I hear you. Guess it's always better when you're not the only one losin' your mind.

[He feels much the same. The world is a little less lonely this way.]

Not that I know of, but... [A vague gesture that he realizes later Jason can't see.] Drag your sorry ass out of a fountain, confused in the middle of fuckin' winter and you're wearing scrubs? Enough to make you wonder if you haven't lost a few months or years of time. Wouldn't be the first time.

Yeah ... that’s definitely the kinda thing that would make you question whether you were missing some memories. I guess it helps that this isn’t my first rodeo.

[wonderland hadn’t convinced jason he’d lost his grip on reality entirely, only made him a little more prepared for the nonsense here.]

Losing time - is that something that happens a lot for you?

What, waking up in weird fountains on new worlds a typical day for you?

[He has to make it funny, it's the only way to handle topics like this.]

Mm, side effect of some shit I dealt with back home. Ain't as bad here as it was, mornin's get away from me sometimes.

[He hasn't really admitted that to anyone, though he wouldn't be surprised if Nida hadn't noticed anyway. It's not like Seifer can tell when he's spaced out for an hour and didn't even notice time slipping past him.]

Nah, not in a fountain. Last time it was a weird place called Wonderland. Trust me, it was no picnic.

[do they have lewis carroll books where seifer and nida come from? does that reference mean anything?]

Y’know ... I’m helping Nida out at the dojo most days. If you wanted something to do to keep mornings from getting away from you, I can always fit in a little more sparring.

With a name like that you'd think it'd be the best place to be.

[They have their own storybooks. None that match those of the most common form of Earth, however.]

I might take you up on that but I got my own routine to deal with it. Change too much and I'll screw myself up again. Gotta keep that balance y'know?

Yeah ... I get that.

[routine helps with feeling in control, which is an important life boat when everything else feels out of your control.]

Well, offer’s good any time. Doesn’t have to be morning. Let me know, yeah?

[Yes it does. Especially if you've been living by military regimen for the vast majority of your life. He needs it. Living day to day without a routine would break him.]

Sure thing. Afternoons are beat up Nida time. He might be willing to spare some time after.

[He glances over, shoving Nida playfully. Add some two cents here brother.]

[Ask, and you shall receive. He offers an obviously fake snore, like the two of them were clearly boring him. Which wasn't true. He'd been listening intently. Just... didn't want to interrupt them. At all. They needed to connect in their own way. Then he smiled at Seifer, chuckling aloud so Jason could hear it too.]

Afternoons are get beat up by Nida time. But yeah, I can spare time whenever you two need it. In fact, perhaps we should vary it up. Jason can have some lunch time beating you up, and I could use that for watching him beat you up.

Or maybe Seifer should try taking both of us on at the same time. [a slight grin can be heard behind those words.] Never hurts to practice for when you’re outnumbered.

[Rolling his eyes, Seifer gave Nida a gentle push. How dramatic of you, Nids.]

He wishes. Don't listen to him any time he bests me is luck and that's it. [Seifer snorts. But at Jason's suggestion his mood darkens slightly.] Got plenty of experience with that.

[A little moodier than intended. Being outnumbered and outmatched was the name of the game back home.]

I could take you both.

[He adds after. If he had his sword he'd really be dangerous.]

UN: ReforgedWings

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject