UN : The Mechanic

[nonstopnarcissist]

Right, tech wishlists, drop them here. Try to keep these things reasonable. I'm a genius but not a miracle worker.

Comments

[freightcars]

What's that?
Sam. She's a good girl. Smart.

[nonstopnarcissist]

Justing Hammer's not here.

[ Or Rogers, but he doesn't know that's not true yet. ]

Got fangs, that one.

[freightcars]

Hammer who? What, like the alien guy with the brother?

[nonstopnarcissist]

Justin Hammer. Hammertech? Real asshole, tried to kill me, hijacked my tech. Before the Avengers were a thing.

Incompetent, shoddy engineering, always called me 'Anthony'.

[freightcars]

Sorry, I think that was a little bit before I was people again.
First name problems?

[ hashtag relatable. ]

[nonstopnarcissist]

I always wondered, after I found out they were a thing, why Hydra didn't try to either wrangle me or off me.

Understatement. [ It's what his mom called him, mostly. Not that he's bringing it up for.

Reasons. ]

[freightcars]

Couldn't repurpose your tech if you weren't alive to make it.
Probably too unstable to recruit, but that's just speculation.

[ Implying the first statement isn't. ]

[nonstopnarcissist]

[ He's going to need a moment. Ten? A few minutes to just. Find the nearest billet of iron that has a vague purpose required of it and hammer it into something resembling a tool. Flat iron, someone was asking for flat irons.

A few shakey, frustrating minutes later, he responds. ]

Always thought Obie was the bulk of it.

[freightcars]

You ever heard of a tardigrade?
Think some people call them water bears

[nonstopnarcissist]

Non-sequitur why? That's my trick.




But yeah. What about them?

[freightcars]

They're god damn everywhere
Bottom of the ocean, middle of an active volcano, space? Tardigrades.
Nuke the fucking planet into orbit, Tardigrades.

That's Hydra.
Doesn't matter if it's Justin Hammer or whoever that other guy is.
Doesn't matter if you're putting out industrial-sized holy water misters for the god damn catholic church, someone in Hydra would find a way to steal it and make it spit out fire instead of water.

So don't think about it too hard.

[nonstopnarcissist]

Do you have any idea how hard I worked to make my shit impossible to replicate? To repurpose?

For that very fucking reason? How much bullshit legislation I sidestepped or invented to keep Stark Tech out of the wrong hands?

Not just me either, Howard did the same. He was so fucking thorough you're a walking patent infringement case from hell.

1/3

[freightcars]

Yeah, and yet here I am
All the safeguards and copyright laws in the world and I still

2/3

[freightcars]

What I'm trying to say is it's not

3/3

[freightcars]

Never mind
Forget I said anything

[nonstopnarcissist]

It's real hard to climb on my cross if you keep taking my damn nails, Barnes.

[freightcars]

No idea what that's supposed to mean
I do know that Christ guy has more buildings with his name on it than you but that's probably not what this is about

[nonstopnarcissist]

I'm...calling myself a martyr. It's supposed to be self aware and shit.


...look I'm not used to people not blaming me. Deviations from the norm make me twitchy.

[freightcars]

I'm sorry, let me come at this another way

How dare you
5 hail marys and if you're feeling extra repentant my bubbe might like a tefillah.

[nonstopnarcissist]

Sure, let me draw out enough wire to make a rosary and I'll get right on that.

[freightcars]

add it to your list
put it above the flat iron, god is watching.

[nonstopnarcissist]

God before vanity? It'll be delicate work, shouldn't take more than a day if I can find the die.

[freightcars]

Hallelujah.
After that if you could start on the wifi you might deliver us after all.

[nonstopnarcissist]

Coffee before wifi. That'll take a few engineering binges and I need to be awake for those.

[freightcars]

You figure THAT shit out and I'll definitely get you some scotch