UN: Twilight Sparkles | @Everyone

[thegreatexperiment]

[Sam's taken to using the voice setting. Less obnoxious than text. And anyway, vampires don't show up in video. So her lovely, Midwestern voice rings out over the network.]

So, just wondering. Is anyone else in this clown rodeo as skeeved out by this "Secret Santa" missive as I am? I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm bored as fuck. I'm gonna do it. Way more entertaining than counting the cracks in my ceiling. But seriously...what the hell are the Overlords going for here?

[She will never call them "Observers."]

A shitty morale boost? What the actual?

Or is it just me? Am I the only one being bombarded with this crap?

...just wondering.

[A pause.]

And, I mean, if people are jonesing to do Etsy nonsense, my birthday is January 8. Just saying.

((ooc: This post will not reveal who Sam got. Please warn in your header if your muse is revealing who they got, in case anyone wants to be surprised.))

Comments

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

You're not? Oh! Are you also one of those .. zombies that Liv is?

[thegreatexperiment]

Oh. Uh. No.

Close cousin, though. I'm a vampire.

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

Vampire ..

I feel as though I have heard this term before during my travels on Midgard, but I'm afraid I don't remember the details.

[thegreatexperiment]

That's okay. Anything you've heard is probably wrong, anyway.

Lots of myths about us.

Just like there are a lot of myths about aliens.

[She pauses.]

Unless the probing thing is true. Do Asgardians probe?

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

Probe? As in, ask questions to understand things? Yes, we do that. ... Doesn't everyone do that?

What are the myths about vampires?

[thegreatexperiment]

Uh, no. Probe as in, "stick a metal sensor up someone's ass."

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

... What? Without asking the other person first if they'd enjoy such a thing? No, absolutely not!

[thegreatexperiment]

Good. Glad we cleared that up.

[Don't think she's being a flake. The only way to cut through the vampire bullshit out there, sometimes, is to turn it back on the other person.]

A lot of people believe the worst about vampires. We're monsters. We're soulless. We're innately evil. Blah, blah, blah.

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

[Thor takes a second to digest all those things. He's fought fire demons, dark elves, AI gone rogue ... his brother. He's not easily fazed by most things.]

It's always easiest to believe the worst in others. How would you define vampires? Yourself as one, or .. vampires in general? I'm much more interested in that than what others might think.

[thegreatexperiment]

Uh...parasites. I think that's a pretty fair definition. I live in a body that's basically dead.

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

You .. label yourself as a parasite? [Huh. That's not what Thor was expecting, but who is he to debate someone's self-definition?] What do you mean? Your body wasn't .. always your body?

[thegreatexperiment]

Oh, no. It's my body. It's just dead. I have to do certain parasitic things to stay...animate.

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

Oh. Oh! Well, we all sort of have to do that, don't we? We all have to .. eat other things in order to stay alive. I've always called my brother a parasite, for example. Especially when we were children.

[thegreatexperiment]

Does he drink blood?

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

[He thinks about this.] No, I .. don't think I've ever seen him do that ..

Is that what you do? I'm learning so much! First I learned about zombies from Liv, and now about vampires from you!

[thegreatexperiment]

[She laughs. More uncomfortable than amused.]

Yeah, well, Liv and I kinda work together nicely. She gets the brains, I get the blood.

[A pause.]

Of animals. Not people.

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

That is a very good system you've worked out.

I told Liv that I would bring her brains of things when I go out hunting; do you want me to bring you the blood? .. I'd have to figure out how, or you could tell me how, but I'd be happy to do so.

[thegreatexperiment]

[It is such a weird offer that she wants to refuse. But Sam knows better. Blood is hard to come by.]

Mason jars.

That would be...really nice. Thanks.

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

You're most welcome! It makes no sense to throw it all away or waste it if it can be used instead, especially if it's to keep you animated, as you said.

I will find some mason jars and use them. Should I leave them at the Inn somewhere or should I bring them to you?

[thegreatexperiment]

Uh, I actually live at the Inn. You can usually find me in the kitchen. I manage our distillery.

[Not exactly something she wants to be proud of. But she is. She truly is.]

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

[There's a long, silent pause.]

.. Distillery? You .. make ..

Do you, by chance, know how to make mead?

[thegreatexperiment]

Mead? Like...the stuff at the Ren Faire?

[Sorry, Thor. That's her basis.]

I mean, in theory, it should be pretty simple. But I don't know that we have any honey.

If we did, I guess I could ferment it with some canned peaches.

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

[His voice is quiet and reverent, like he's unwilling to disturb the dead.] I don't know what the Ren Faire is, but I will ... get you all the blood or whatever you want want, if you could figure that out.

I will also handle figuring out how to get the honey.

[thegreatexperiment]

[Well, this guy is going to be interesting.]

I'm happy to give it a shot. It's just basic chemistry.

I mean, I'm a biologist. But even a high school AP student could probably make it work, somehow.

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

I don't know what any of that means. -- Oh! Wait! Biology! I think that is one of Bruce's pee-atche-dees that he's always talking about.

I cannot overstate how grateful I am for your willingness to try! Mead would bring a piece of home here, and I find that I am missing it greatly.