UN: Twilight Sparkles | @Everyone

[thegreatexperiment]

[Sam's taken to using the voice setting. Less obnoxious than text. And anyway, vampires don't show up in video. So her lovely, Midwestern voice rings out over the network.]

So, just wondering. Is anyone else in this clown rodeo as skeeved out by this "Secret Santa" missive as I am? I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm bored as fuck. I'm gonna do it. Way more entertaining than counting the cracks in my ceiling. But seriously...what the hell are the Overlords going for here?

[She will never call them "Observers."]

A shitty morale boost? What the actual?

Or is it just me? Am I the only one being bombarded with this crap?

...just wondering.

[A pause.]

And, I mean, if people are jonesing to do Etsy nonsense, my birthday is January 8. Just saying.

((ooc: This post will not reveal who Sam got. Please warn in your header if your muse is revealing who they got, in case anyone wants to be surprised.))

Comments

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

It could be worse than that. I mean, it could be better, but it could be worse.

They could be torturing us. Destroying worlds and people. Putting on dramatic reproductions of tragic events in our lives to an adoring audience too ignorant to know better.

[thegreatexperiment]

I...wouldn't be too quick to dismiss the notion that they're torturing us.

[A pause.]

That's oddly specific, though. Dramatic reproductions?

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

I get to be with some of my friends here, and my stupid sister hasn't shown up to destroy us all, so this isn't entirely terrible for me. I'd like to get back to Asgard and do what it is I want to do - namely, save my people - but Bruce has told me that we managed to do that. He's .. from the future, or something.

[He sighs, heavily.] Yes. Very, very dramatic reproductions. With terrible, subpar actors to portray real people.

[thegreatexperiment]

...what's Asgard?

[Thor, you are the most confusing.]

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

[This time, the sigh is equally as heavy but more fond and forlorn.]

It's my home. Beautiful. It is one of the nine realms, with Midgard being your Earth. We Asgardians are a mighty race. Strong, powerful. Great warriors who care fiercely about protecting our people and our home. We were friendly once with your Vikings, but they've long since disappeared from your realm. There's a great beautiful rainbow bridge that connects Asgard to the Bifrost that allows us to travel between realms.

[thegreatexperiment]

[Give her a second...]

Oooooh! So you're, like, aliens?

Or, sorry. Extraterrestrial.

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

What? [He's mildly offended!] I'm no such thing! I'm an Asgardian!

[thegreatexperiment]

Are you from Earth?

[Not even going to wait for an answer.]

Extraterrestrial.

Boom.

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

[He scoffs. He's more upset that she's made a good point than anything else. But he's dug himself in a hole, and like Hel if he's going to give up so easily.] Extraterrestrial only from a Midgardian perspective.

But no such thing to the other Eight out of Nine Realms.

[thegreatexperiment]

I can only speak from my own point of view. Trying to speak from someone else's would be a dick move.

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

[Thor lets out a quiet laugh; he admires her wit.]

That's a diplomatic way to think. So to you, I'm an alien. I suppose I am, by your standards. But then, so are you, by mine.

[thegreatexperiment]

Okay, now that is TOTALLY legit.

[She laughs for a brief, feeling instant.]

Although...I mean, I'm not human either.

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

You're not? Oh! Are you also one of those .. zombies that Liv is?

[thegreatexperiment]

Oh. Uh. No.

Close cousin, though. I'm a vampire.

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

Vampire ..

I feel as though I have heard this term before during my travels on Midgard, but I'm afraid I don't remember the details.

[thegreatexperiment]

That's okay. Anything you've heard is probably wrong, anyway.

Lots of myths about us.

Just like there are a lot of myths about aliens.

[She pauses.]

Unless the probing thing is true. Do Asgardians probe?

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

Probe? As in, ask questions to understand things? Yes, we do that. ... Doesn't everyone do that?

What are the myths about vampires?

[thegreatexperiment]

Uh, no. Probe as in, "stick a metal sensor up someone's ass."

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

... What? Without asking the other person first if they'd enjoy such a thing? No, absolutely not!

[thegreatexperiment]

Good. Glad we cleared that up.

[Don't think she's being a flake. The only way to cut through the vampire bullshit out there, sometimes, is to turn it back on the other person.]

A lot of people believe the worst about vampires. We're monsters. We're soulless. We're innately evil. Blah, blah, blah.

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

[Thor takes a second to digest all those things. He's fought fire demons, dark elves, AI gone rogue ... his brother. He's not easily fazed by most things.]

It's always easiest to believe the worst in others. How would you define vampires? Yourself as one, or .. vampires in general? I'm much more interested in that than what others might think.

[thegreatexperiment]

Uh...parasites. I think that's a pretty fair definition. I live in a body that's basically dead.

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

You .. label yourself as a parasite? [Huh. That's not what Thor was expecting, but who is he to debate someone's self-definition?] What do you mean? Your body wasn't .. always your body?

[thegreatexperiment]

Oh, no. It's my body. It's just dead. I have to do certain parasitic things to stay...animate.

[assemble_the_lovbacken]

Oh. Oh! Well, we all sort of have to do that, don't we? We all have to .. eat other things in order to stay alive. I've always called my brother a parasite, for example. Especially when we were children.