sixthiterationtexts | UN: Twilight Sparkles

Entry tags:

UN: Twilight Sparkles | @Everyone

[Sam's taken to using the voice setting. Less obnoxious than text. And anyway, vampires don't show up in video. So her lovely, Midwestern voice rings out over the network.]

So, just wondering. Is anyone else in this clown rodeo as skeeved out by this "Secret Santa" missive as I am? I mean, don't get me wrong. I'm bored as fuck. I'm gonna do it. Way more entertaining than counting the cracks in my ceiling. But seriously...what the hell are the Overlords going for here?

[She will never call them "Observers."]

A shitty morale boost? What the actual?

Or is it just me? Am I the only one being bombarded with this crap?

...just wondering.

[A pause.]

And, I mean, if people are jonesing to do Etsy nonsense, my birthday is January 8. Just saying.

((ooc: This post will not reveal who Sam got. Please warn in your header if your muse is revealing who they got, in case anyone wants to be surprised.))

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

The point is...

Why the fuck are they doing this?

What, the presents?

Maybe they want to be nice! Maybe we've earned them!

[Quietly] I'd like to think I was good this year.

Do people who've kidnapped you generally want to do nice things for you?

The last time I was kidnapped .. some weird old man cut off my beautifully long hair, and I was forced to fight as a gladiator with unfair rules and this zappy thing on my neck that debilitated me with the push of a button.

But I made some new friends, and we escaped on an orgy ship! And I also ran into my good friend Bruce while I was there! He's here, too!

...Bruce Banner?

Yes! You know him? I'm glad you know him! He's a wonderful friend!

Oh, for fuck's sake. Another person from That World. Hang on a second.

[There's the sound of papers ruffling, as she grabs her notes and sorts them out.]

Okay. What's your name?

Um.

Okay.

[Thor's a little confused, and he doesn't know why she's cursing at him, or what she means by "that world," but he'll oblige. He waits patiently.]

Thor.

Thor Odinson? Or it could be written as Thor, Son of Odin, God of Thunder and Lightning.

Thor...

O-D-I...

[She's scribbling away, although she pauses somewhat abruptly.]

God of Thunder and Lightning?

O-d-i-n-s-o-n! Odin is my father, and I'm his son. Odinson. But we also say Son of Odin, it's just longer.

Yes! .. Well, I was. Before I came here. I was the God of Thunder and Lightning. My father was the All-Father. My brother is Loki, God of Mischief. Some also call him the Prince of Lies, but that's not nice, even though it's true.

[Vampires don't get headaches, but Sam can feel a headache coming on.]

You're a...god.

Like...an actual god? Immortal. Valhalla? Smiting people?

You've heard of Valhalla! [Thor's practically bursting.] I never smote people. That's more what my sister, Hela, does. I fight off .. aliens and .. artificial intelligence monsters gone rogue .. and .. that sort of thing.

I'd like to think I'm still a god, but .. it's hard to say that I am one when .. you know, all of my powers have disappeared. And my stupid sister destroyed my hammer.

Wait, wait, wait. Gods fighting...aliens?

[She's writing notes so fast, it's audible.]

What the fuck is this universe?

I .. don't know how to answer that!

It's the universe with the Avengers in it! I'm part of the Avengers. And the Revengers! That has different members, though.

You write so quickly! I'm sorry, do you need me to speak more slowly?

Fast or slow, your universe makes almost no sense. Appreciate the offer though.

I'm Sam...

[Is she supposed to be humble or something?]

...O great bringer of the forked tongue of the sky?

[Yeah, Sam doesn't do humble.]

It doesn't really, no. But neither does us being here in this village.

[He lets out a laugh at that. He likes her already.]

Sam. It is very nice to speak to you. I .. well, I've already introduced myself. I can't bring much of anything now that I'm here, but I appreciate your attempt all the same.

Yeah. Uh...don't get used to it.

[What she wouldn't give for a peek at his DNA under a microscope.

What she wouldn't give for a microscope, really.]

But, uh, the village makes sense, if you consider it a Skinner Box. They're just experimenting on us. Poking and prodding bodies and egos.

I'm unfamiliar with that term - Skinner Box. What does that mean?

It's a piece of equipment used in the process of conditioning. A type of cage that offers reward for desired behavior and punishment for...not desired behavior.

Oh. [He doesn't like this idea.] So you think we're in that kind of thing? That these gifts are a reward for .. some desired behavior. Working together, perhaps? Banding together in times of trial and winter cold?

Have .. there been punishments?

Besides the whole "being held prisoner" part?

It could be worse than that. I mean, it could be better, but it could be worse.

They could be torturing us. Destroying worlds and people. Putting on dramatic reproductions of tragic events in our lives to an adoring audience too ignorant to know better.

I...wouldn't be too quick to dismiss the notion that they're torturing us.

[A pause.]

That's oddly specific, though. Dramatic reproductions?

I get to be with some of my friends here, and my stupid sister hasn't shown up to destroy us all, so this isn't entirely terrible for me. I'd like to get back to Asgard and do what it is I want to do - namely, save my people - but Bruce has told me that we managed to do that. He's .. from the future, or something.

[He sighs, heavily.] Yes. Very, very dramatic reproductions. With terrible, subpar actors to portray real people.

...what's Asgard?

[Thor, you are the most confusing.]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject